I see the red and blue lights flashing in the rear view mirror on top of the hot, deep blue mustang. I’m sure it’s for the guy in front of me, so I gladly pull over to the shoulder of the road. Angst rushes through me when instead of whizzing by the lights pull over behind me! The officer steps out of his car and yanks his pants up. With his thumbs hooked in his belt loops and as if he just dismounted a large horse, he struts steadily up to my window, peers over his mirrored sunglasses and asks in an unusually deep voice for “the usual.” I frantically search through the glove box tossing old receipts, an ibuprofen bottle, a plastic ninja guy, and an emergency throw up bag to the side only to find it empty. “Sorry officer. Can you look it up? Oh, and do you think I could just, you know…” I start to plead my case for a warning when he cuts me off. “Stay in the car,” he bellows, as if I’m some hardened criminal. He swaggers back to his squad car. He shows up a few minutes later, just enough time to for me to waive at all the neighbors honking as they pass. He scrawls all over his notepad then rips the paper off the pad with way too much gusto and hands me the ticket. “But," he points out, “see here I wrote you were only going 5 over the speed limit instead of 12 over,” he say as if he’s vying for employee of the month. His crooked teeth peer through his bristly mustache.
“But officer, I really was just following the car in front of me, you know, going the flow. Gosh. I was seriously hoping to just get a warning!" I force a slight shake in my squeaky voice and put my hand over my mouth.
No answer.
Judd yells in the back, “My freakin’ bum hurts, jeez mom let’s go”. The officer pulls down his sunglasses and eyes the backseat.
“Yeah he’s buckled,” I say, feeling rather pissed off. “But my oldest in the way back, he’s been mouthing off a lot today, can you give him a good talking to?”
He stares at me. Then walks away.
I mumble something about a donkey’s butt.
“Mom, you’re a donkey.” I hear Judd say.
I open my mouth to say, yeah, well you’re Aunt Betty. But “shiz” comes out instead.
5 comments:
You totally crack me up! I love all your posts and end up making my husband read them too! lol I'm sorry you got a ticket though.
Once again, you've hit gold. And once again, I've nearly peed my pants reading your latest post. I am really sorry that you got a ticket, but I sure loved your description of it!
Okay Cindy. That would not be a very good example for your boys seeing your pants all wet like that. I'll tone it down a notch next time.
And Daniele, tell your husband thanks for reading. He must really love you.
I HATE getting pulled over by cops (who doesn't). But that was so hilarious!
Leann, thanks for sharing your story....I needed a good laugh today! I found your blog off of Michelle's and wanted to take a look. You have a great family, your blogs are so fun to read!! Hope you are all doing well.
Post a Comment