Ode to Potty Training

Potty training. Groan. Whine. Gnashing of the teeth. It stirs even the most deeply buried of animalistic emotions. Somehow your mind optimistically tricks you into thinking it might be different this time--he might only have one accident before completing the potty training course perfectly. The pee-soaked stains emerging from ten different spots in the carpet quickly fade from your memory.

Judd did quite well for the first seven days or so averaging only one or two slippages the entire time. Then, the dam broke, and we have been reaching our hands upward, mouthing the word “why”, in desperation ever since. One accident in particular was a large, camouflage puddle on the wood floor (its size would embarrass Lake Powell) sneakily hidden next to the side of the fireplace. Drew, an innocent bystander apparently unaware of the potty course Judd was taking, careened left, then right, then skidded out of his hydroplane landing softly on the rug, both hands out like an airplane.

Then there’s the supposed magic potty seat, aka donut, covered in Sesame Street characters. It is a vain attempt to somehow coerce the child in training to crave going potty so they can sit on the beloved Elmo. One cold, miserable day, I finally got Judd situated perfectly on the cushy seat. I turned my head in distraction only to feel a fine, wet spray, shrapnel from an errant missile, graze my face and the side of the wall. We can drop to our knees, we can scream, we can shake our fists. Or, we can trick ourselves into thinking some day we might miss these days of intense frustration and infinite elation.

Drew has let only one swear word slip from his tight lips this entire school year, and we believe it is due to his phenomenal teacher, Mr. Moser. So we nominated him for the KSL Teacher Feature Award, and he won! (for a look at the entire letter and the real reason we nominated him, please go here http://www.ksl.com/?nid=428&sid=2495929). So KSL's very own Amanda Dixon and an "Extremely Important Person" from Zion's Bank came to Legacy Elementary and presented Mr. Moser with the prestigious award at a large assembly. The kids hopped to their feet and proudly gave him a standing ovation. Drew wasn't sure about all the hullabaloo, but seemed to survive with a hearty grin that never left his face.

Kristine and I went snowshoeing up American Fork canyon with views so beautiful it would make any super model look ugly, except for maybe Ben Stiller’s “Blue Steel” in Zoolander. Despite talking about avalanches the entire time, how terrible it would be to be buried alive and discussing in scientific detail what it might be like to die in such a way, we made it out refreshed and vowing to do it again before spring.